Going back to work!

Going back to work has been a big change for me. I really thought I had it in me to be a stay-at-home mom, but I just couldn't do it. I love my child, but I was bored sitting at home with her. And I missed adult conversation.

That being said, it hasn't been easy either. I miss my little girl when I am at work. Last night I actually cried in my car on the way home because I had second thoughts about going back. But I think the second thoughts was because I am actually enjoying working again, and I am upset about it. Why am I upset? Because I had that moment of not feeling like a good mom. It was just a moment that completely caught me off guard. I felt guilty that I was enjoying some time away from her. I felt guilty because I felt like me again; that I was completely in my element again.

But then I remembered, I was doing this for our family. Technically, I don't need to work, but not having a savings account has made me scared for the future. We really want to buy a house someday, and that is not going to happen until there is money in savings. Additionally, working will give me a sense of myself back, instead of just being mommy all the time! Not to mention, I am not exactly little Miss Suzy Homemaker....the only thing that gets done in this house on a regular basis is the laundry and dishes. Bathrooms are not my thing, and I let the baby have free range of the rest of the house, so it's messy for most of the day!

So now I get to figure out how to juggle school, work and home. But, I have an amazing husband, so I know that I will get through it all just fine. AND the baby will not want for anything!

Mustard Seed

Today in church, our sermon was from the Mustard Seed parable. It’s one of my favorite verses:

“He replied, ‘Because you have so little faith. I will tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” Mathew 17:20

This verse has always gotten me through some rough times. The pastor today talked about faith, and about how much faith it actually takes to accomplish things. It’s not about big faith or small faith, it’s just about faith. Faith in the one living God who is merciful and loving. That’s all we need in this life.

I didn’t realize how much this would have an impact on me today, especially before church even started. Walking in the courtyard before service, the tables were out with sign-ups for the various events going on at church. I knew that I had to sign up for Disciple U which is starting this week, but I was surprised more at what I did sign up to do. Our church just started a new ministry program. Something we have always done, but it was never organized. It’s called Helping Hands. Basically, it’s helping our fellow church members in times of need, whether it is a ride, a meal or someone to pray with. Without even hesitating, I put my name down to help with meals and transportation. Why did I do something that is a little out of character for me? Not sure, but I know it was God who pushed me to put my name down.

All in all, faith is what pushed me today. Faith, that what I was doing, and God has my back. Besides, it’s helping people, which I like doing. Hopefully, I do have enough faith to move mountains…

Are you kidding me?

I heard the most ridiculous thing last night. Someone was trying to say that the only reason why Americans are obese is because of the environment, and that being sedentary or diet has no bearing on it. Her reasoning was that 50 years ago, people ate the same foods, weren't active, and were considered to be a healthy weight. Ummm...okay, someone doesn't realize that portion sizes 50 years ago were less than they are now, Mom's made home cooked dinners every night, and the amount of fast food consumed was less. Maybe they weren't active 50 years ago, but take everything else into consideration. She wouldn't hear it. I think she was trying to use an excuse to stay her weight without taking responsibility for being obese.

But seriously, has she watched The Biggest Loser. Look at those people...they eat right and work out, and have amazing results! Any person who follows that kind of routine will lose weight, and the environment has no impact on them! My response to her finally was this "I am overweight because of my own actions. I chose to eat badly and not exercise, and after 10 years, it caught up to me slowly but surely. Now I am in my 30's and I am finding it harder to lose weight than when I was younger; however, never, ever will I blame the environment on my own laziness or the fact that I stuff my face with food that is bad for me!"

She didn't like that at all. Wouldn't talk to me for the rest of the class. Oh well. Don't pull that kind of BS on me without expecting a snarky reply. Guess she found out that sometimes I open my mouth and words fall out, and sometimes no one likes the words I say.