A New Start...Again!

Yep, starting my healthy lifestyle journey again.  Notice I said lifestyle this time instead of diet and exercise program.  I lost about 15 pounds over the summer, but in the last month, I gained all the weight back.  For two simple reasons, I stopped going to the gym and I kept eating bad food.  Last night, I said "enough is enough".  If I don't get this under control, I am going to reach 200 pounds before the end of the year.  I have never weighed this much, and it's depressing to think how close I am to that number on the scale.

So, staring the dreaded number down, I realized that in order to gain control of my life again, I had to evaluate what is going on in my life to get me here, where I gave up after being successful.  So, what got me here?  Simple, I don't believe in myself right now!  That's a sad statement to make, but a very true statement.  I spend the past four years getting my degree and teaching credential.  I thought if I can just get my credential, I will get a job right away and will start making a difference in the lives of children.  Boy, was I wrong!

The current state of our economy has left no job openings for new teachers, and older teachers are not retiring because of dwindling retirement accounts.  Which leaves me competing with an unbelievable amount of teachers for one job.  So, until things get better and our government realizes that cutting education budgets is hurting more than helping, I have resorted to subbing.  I hate subbing!!!  It's the worst job ever because students don't respect and teachers give you bs work to do with the students.  It's boring at times, especially when subbing in a class that you have no idea what the students are learning.  And finally, you feel like you are not really working, just babysitting.  I just want my own classroom where I can create the atmosphere for learning and direct the students to reach their potential.  But, like all things, I must let go and let God do the work for me.  So, until the perfect teaching job is available for me, I will do what I must to stay in the education field, and hopefully learn something from this experience.

Which leads me to my new lifestyle change.  Bright and early this morning, I returned to Weight Watchers.  I climbed on the dreaded scale for my starting weight, and began the journey again to changing my life.  And now, I hope this will be the journey that changes everything for me...if not, then I will be sure I will return again, and again, and again, until I get it right!

Going back to work!

Going back to work has been a big change for me. I really thought I had it in me to be a stay-at-home mom, but I just couldn't do it. I love my child, but I was bored sitting at home with her. And I missed adult conversation.

That being said, it hasn't been easy either. I miss my little girl when I am at work. Last night I actually cried in my car on the way home because I had second thoughts about going back. But I think the second thoughts was because I am actually enjoying working again, and I am upset about it. Why am I upset? Because I had that moment of not feeling like a good mom. It was just a moment that completely caught me off guard. I felt guilty that I was enjoying some time away from her. I felt guilty because I felt like me again; that I was completely in my element again.

But then I remembered, I was doing this for our family. Technically, I don't need to work, but not having a savings account has made me scared for the future. We really want to buy a house someday, and that is not going to happen until there is money in savings. Additionally, working will give me a sense of myself back, instead of just being mommy all the time! Not to mention, I am not exactly little Miss Suzy Homemaker....the only thing that gets done in this house on a regular basis is the laundry and dishes. Bathrooms are not my thing, and I let the baby have free range of the rest of the house, so it's messy for most of the day!

So now I get to figure out how to juggle school, work and home. But, I have an amazing husband, so I know that I will get through it all just fine. AND the baby will not want for anything!

Mustard Seed

Today in church, our sermon was from the Mustard Seed parable. It’s one of my favorite verses:

“He replied, ‘Because you have so little faith. I will tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” Mathew 17:20

This verse has always gotten me through some rough times. The pastor today talked about faith, and about how much faith it actually takes to accomplish things. It’s not about big faith or small faith, it’s just about faith. Faith in the one living God who is merciful and loving. That’s all we need in this life.

I didn’t realize how much this would have an impact on me today, especially before church even started. Walking in the courtyard before service, the tables were out with sign-ups for the various events going on at church. I knew that I had to sign up for Disciple U which is starting this week, but I was surprised more at what I did sign up to do. Our church just started a new ministry program. Something we have always done, but it was never organized. It’s called Helping Hands. Basically, it’s helping our fellow church members in times of need, whether it is a ride, a meal or someone to pray with. Without even hesitating, I put my name down to help with meals and transportation. Why did I do something that is a little out of character for me? Not sure, but I know it was God who pushed me to put my name down.

All in all, faith is what pushed me today. Faith, that what I was doing, and God has my back. Besides, it’s helping people, which I like doing. Hopefully, I do have enough faith to move mountains…

Are you kidding me?

I heard the most ridiculous thing last night. Someone was trying to say that the only reason why Americans are obese is because of the environment, and that being sedentary or diet has no bearing on it. Her reasoning was that 50 years ago, people ate the same foods, weren't active, and were considered to be a healthy weight. Ummm...okay, someone doesn't realize that portion sizes 50 years ago were less than they are now, Mom's made home cooked dinners every night, and the amount of fast food consumed was less. Maybe they weren't active 50 years ago, but take everything else into consideration. She wouldn't hear it. I think she was trying to use an excuse to stay her weight without taking responsibility for being obese.

But seriously, has she watched The Biggest Loser. Look at those people...they eat right and work out, and have amazing results! Any person who follows that kind of routine will lose weight, and the environment has no impact on them! My response to her finally was this "I am overweight because of my own actions. I chose to eat badly and not exercise, and after 10 years, it caught up to me slowly but surely. Now I am in my 30's and I am finding it harder to lose weight than when I was younger; however, never, ever will I blame the environment on my own laziness or the fact that I stuff my face with food that is bad for me!"

She didn't like that at all. Wouldn't talk to me for the rest of the class. Oh well. Don't pull that kind of BS on me without expecting a snarky reply. Guess she found out that sometimes I open my mouth and words fall out, and sometimes no one likes the words I say.

I am NOT a Plus Size!!!

Walking in the mall the other day, I was just window shopping, when I came across a disturbing window. It was the Lane Bryant window, and on it the words "for sizes 14 and up" caught my attention. It broke my heart a little bit. I am a size 14, but I don't consider that to be a plus size. However, knowing that Lane Bryant caters to my size is disheartening. It was a slap in the face, and it caused me to wake up. And yet, I still refuse to admit that I just might be a plus size. Instead, I am taking the bull by the horns!

Booga and I started walking in the mornings. She plays happily in her stroller while I get some more exercise in. Plus, when I get home, it encourages me to drink more water! Although, several bathroom trips during the day are not fun, I am glad that I am drinking more water. In addition, our morning walks gives us a chance to be outside. We are noticing that the leaves are changing, and we are crunching them as we walk around. I really can't wait until she is walking! Then we can walk through the leave piles together.

For about 3 weeks, I have been pretty consistent at working out 2 days a week, so now I am determined to add another day to my schedule. I think in combination with my daily morning walks, I should be able to lose my goal weight faster!

Speaking about goals, I am 7 pounds away from my first goal. I found a pair of jeans to be my first goal clothes too! I can get them on and buttoned, but I can't walk or sit in them. So, I think that at about the time I get to my first goal, my jeans should fit too. And once that happens, I already have another pair of "goal" jeans. However, my ultimate goal is to lose 17 pounds by Booga's first birthday. That gives me 3 months, and at just over a pound a week, I think it is very manageable.

I know I can do this. I am confident in my ability to lose weight. Besides, I pulled out some old pictures the other day for motivation. And what motivation it was, but it also opened my eyes to a truth I didn't want to see. I don't look like that anymore, and I haven't looked like that in a long time. But, I want to look as close to that as I can, and I am going to work my butt off to get there!!!

Week 1 and Results are in!

End of the first week of really tracking my food intake and my workouts, and I am happy to report that I lost 2 pounds this week! Yippee, only 8 more pounds till my first goal. Still need to think of an incentive for reaching goals. I am open to any ideas!

Bad thing is now I am sick. Can't work out without coughing too much. Hopefully my diet will be enough to keep losing weight. Guess I will find out next week!

Goals for this week is to find a way to move without making myself sicker. The weather is changing outside and I would like to not have to buy new clothes. Although, I don't think I would mind going shopping. Last fall/winter, I was wearing maternity clothes, which means my clothes are now 2 years old. Probably really out of fashion! But, this is all moot if I can't lose 10 pounds.

I can do it, I can do it! I know I can do it!!!!

It may be summer outside, but it's fall in my belly!

I am in fall heaven, despite the thermometer saying it's 95 degrees outside. Pumpkin Spice Lattes have returned to Starbucks. Having been almost 2 years since my last pumpkin deliciousness, I am enjoying every last drop!

I didn't intend on getting Starbucks today, since that would ruin a good diet, but when I found out that my favorite drink was available, I made a special trip. Little Booga was asleep in her car seat when I pulled through the drive-thru. It's hot outside and I order a hot drink, but it's totally worth being really hot for it...anyways, isn't that what air conditioners are for???

As soon as the Barista handed me my drink, I could smell the pumpkin and nutmeg. My nose immediately connected to my taste buds, and even before my first sip, I was salivating in immense anticipation. And it was everything I remembered it being. Nothing says fall to me like pumpkin, nutmeg and espresso!

I think it must have looked a little funny when I got home! I was sitting in my car, slowly sipping and enjoying my drink, with the air conditioner blasting, all while the little one slept peacefully in her seat. But the time to go inside was pressing in on me...so like the typical housewife, I grab the little one, put her in her stroller, and caressed my Starbucks cup as we walked to the apartment. And now here I sit, in front of the computer, enjoying the yummiest drink I love so much!

Fall can officially begin now!!